Monday, December 24

A bladderful of burden

It was unbearable. Sitting at the back of the bus, I squirmed and tapped my foot impatiently. The bus had only been on the road for 5 minutes, and I was already fidgeting. I crossed my legs every now and then, trying to keep myself distracted long enough to forget about the problem at hand.

Looking at the scenery outside didn't help either. There were traces of flooding everywhere, and at certain places, there was still water on the ground. Yellow muddy water. The ones that you wouldn't want to step into. Who knows what lies underneath?

The next exit was still 30km away. I wasn't sure if I could hold that long. I suddenly thought of my water bottle in the bag. Sure, there was still some water inside, but I could empty the bottle and slowly refill it. But to do it inside a bottle, now that would be a challenge. At least I was at the back of the bus, sitting on a single seat. The man next to me across the aisle was sleeping, and the pretty lady in front of me won't notice at all. All I need was to be discreet, and quiet. But I have never done this before, and what if it overflows?

The roadside. I can always ask the driver to stop temporarily and run down and do it by the roadside. But it was daylight, and the highway was packed with motorists. But at this moment, does it matter? I was on the verge of exploding, and now my fists were clenched tightly as I tried to keep my bladder in check.

15km away to the next stop. I can do this. I can wait another 15km. But I need to distract myself. I know, I should think of something sexy. Something stimulating. Like a naked Beyonce or Rihanna. But I just can't concentrate. Beyonce suddenly turned watery, and Rihanna was holding an umbrella walking under the rain. That didn't help at all.

10km. Calm down. Close your eyes, you can do this. Just a little bit more. I was now sitting very still, for any single movement might just triggered it out. Maybe a little pain might distract me enough, so I started to bite my fingers. Okay, that didn't help at all.

5km more. So close, yet so far away. The bus is now travelling at a constant speed. It shouldn't take long now. My legs were now shivering. And as another signboard flashed by, stating the next rest stop is a further 2km away, I jumped up and walked to the front. I begged the bus driver to stop at the next incoming stop. The driver just grunted, and I sat there next to him. Almost there, almost there. And as the bus swerved to the left, I said a silent prayer. The door was only halfway open when I jumped down and walked as fast as I could to the toilet.

And I have to say, it was the best 5 minutes ever. I stood there at the urinal, sighing and enjoying myself tremendously, glad that I finally managed to empty my full bladder. For a moment, I felt like a huge burden was lifted of my shoulder. The ecstasy was too much.

That ought to teach me not to drink too much before a long journey.

10 comments:

Bakawali said...

Ah Ardy, you haven't pushed it to the limits yet.

I had a similar incident but being a girl I have no option of pissing in the bottle... I went to a business meeting where I had to drink and drink cups of tea and when I wanted to leave for home it was already past midnight.

Just after I started the car I felt a tinge of discomfort in my bladder....At that time many petrol stations were closed and it was too creepy to piss alone in some bush.

I drove like 150kms/H from Cheras to Gombak and when I reached home the pain was SOOOOO UNBEARABLE to the extent I could not pee.. it was just trickling and BOY it was damn painful.... No NONE of the huge relief you felt... ultimate severe piercing pain

Never would I ever drink 5 glasses of tea at one go again....

najibest said...

that's very detailed indeed you 2 :)

Anonymous said...

Hmm..this reminds me of the time I was in Hong Kong. My hotel was at Tsim Tsa Shui on the mainland while I had lunch on a floating restaurant off the island itself. They had this extremely good fresh orange juice served in mugs and before I knew it, I had had 16 mugs without going to the loo.

On the way back, it was lunchtime rush hour and I was inside the tunnel that connects the island to the mainland. Stuck in there inside the car wondering if the driver would be able to smell had I urinated inside the car.

I felt like bursting: finally got to the hotel, rushed to the lobby's restroom and must have cracked the urinal with the first blast.

Spena said...

Well, at least Ardy's and Bakawali's is still ok.I remembered a trip to Pulau Redang about 10 years ago with my family and my uncle's. A day before we left, we had a big clam (kima) as dinner. The next day, on the slow, fisherman boat back to Merang, a few of us (excluding me) had a really bad stomach ache. While one of my cousin was using the 'toilet' at the end of the boat, my uncle, who could not resist the stomach ache, sat at a corner of the boat, putting his 'rear' over the edge of the boat, warned everybody not to look at him and did his business there! It was hillarious!!

zewt said...

painful... painful... dont do that too often... very damaging. and guys' bladder control is naturally weaker than girls.

ManaL said...

At least u r not on a kidney stone or bladder infection or even on a heavy menstruation. That latter part was the most humiliating incident that i suffered when i was 14 years old. No details and dont wanna get too graphic here either but suffice to say, mens and bursting bladder are one of the worst combo when u r travelling on a bus in the middle of the night esp when that aircond is on full blast. No need to drink that much. That aircond did a good job on inflating the bladder i tell ya!

But thank god, we get to appreciate more knowing that our kidney is functioning well.

all jazzed up said...

Ardy, you are so hilarious and I can SO relate. Similar experience and it happened this year - and worse of all it was in the car with the greatest love of my life la kan.. How embarassing. I was squirming and urgh.... sangat X rated la. Cannot write here.

ardy said...

Bakawali,

Sounds like a really bad experience! So instead of ecstasy, you experienced agony, heheh ;)

Najibest,

Yeah, I can be very detailed. And so do some people.

ardy said...

Seademon,

16 mugs! You might as well drink the whole barrel!

Spena,

Hahah! Now THAT is hillarious!

Zewt,

Oh yes! Definitely not good for the bladder.

ardy said...

Manal,

I can hardly imagine! Do tell please ;)

Jazz,

Do share, I'm sure everyone wants to know the whole story ;)