I am losing a battle that hasn't even started. A battle with myself. I am empty inside. My life is going nowhere. I am going nowhere. I am stale, stagnant and dead. The truth really eats me in the inside.
God help me!
The moment of reckoning is upon me. For my life until this point is hanging on the axis of uncertainty, being tilted on both sides every passing breath. There is no light to lead the way, only emptiness and darkness. Even the darkness is seeping away, leaving behind a hollow emptiness. And my heartbeat pounds with every single step that I take.
Dup dap, dup dap, dup dap, dup dap.
Will it ever cease to function? For every breath is a misery. For every living moment is a torment to me. My life is not real, nothing is real anymore. I'm not even in control of my life. A wayward life, that is my life now. Living a lie each single day. A fantasy of realism. What can I do? Where is the faith that has always be my sustenance back on the old days. I guess I must have lost it somewhere along the way.
I am falling, and worse, I am dying. Prematurely. I have to let go, release the fear. For the fear is consuming me. Eating me alive. And spitting out the remaining of my pathetic life. For in the end, my own doings will be my ending.
God, help me!
(29th May 2001)
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2 comments:
take it easy :)
Suzequatro,
Thanks :)
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