"Hello Ardy," everyone is the room would greet me.
Welcome to Loser's Anonymous, where you find comfort with the people with the same predicament as you are.
The L word.
No, not love. Not even lust.
But loser.
Now, what constitute a loser? How do you know that you belong in this group? You have to achieve certain life experiences to qualify yourself as a loser.
You're 30 and still single, not by choice, and not because of the lack of trying, but just because you just can't get the opposite sex to stay interested in you long enough to initiate a relationship.
You have more than one cat at home, and you talk to them most of the time, not because you wanted to, but because you don't have anyone to talk to and it's better to talk to another living creature than to talk to yourself or have a conversation in your head.
You only have 7 real friends and more than 30 cyber friends.
You work your butt off but still earning the same amount of money as you did 5 years ago.
You can't remember the last time you had a relationship, if you ever had one and didn't imagine it. And you can't remember the last time you had sex (pleasuring yourself with fantasies of real women does not count as having sex).
Your mum is hinting about matching you up with her friend's daughter.
You eat oatmeal alone while watching TV for dinner, and that is actually the high point of your day and you can't wait to do it again tomorrow.
The opposite sex doesn't give you a second glance. Heck! They don't even glance at you. At all.
You watch Martha Stewart's Show and text/call your friend during the show expressing your profound love for Martha and commenting about the show.
You love to dance, but the only place you do so is in front of the mirror, naked, while drooling over your own body.
If you have more than 4 of the above, then you can join me in our next meeting.
16 comments:
hey ardy my man... cheer up... you need to pick yourself together...
get yourself a hobby.... pick up something... improve yourself... girls will be all over you in no time mate.
Zewt,
Thanks bro. I'm just doing a recruiting drive. Maybe I'll get enough chics to start a Dating Anonymous Club ;)
Hmm...you seriously need professional help, bro.
An Escort would help.:D
cheer up, Ardy!!!
love this post! comel!
dude,
u need a paradigm shift, man!..
it's about time for u to do some soul searching...;-)
Ardy,
Is this self-pity or seeking for some attention from the fairer sex? Girls are a natural sympathizers as far as helping/cheering up a forlorn nice-looking dude...Either way, can u get a good grip of yourself, man or i'm gonna have to bitch-slap u silly? (some said, self-loving helps to get it off a bit ya know)
item#1: body odour? bad breath? oily kelemumur hair? feet stinks of sewage? wearing the same shirt/jeans sampai kuning celah ketiak and kaki? Spitting thick phlegms everywhere? Too boring? Too weird?
item#2: Ask ryzah and many more cat-lovers....Not a sign of a loser unless u r locking urself up with cats all over ur house and dont even care the smells and stains they leave everywhere.
item#3: do all ur 7 mates really chummy with u? at least u u do have friends.
item#4: No wonder, it's only the butt that gets worked up and not the brain?
item#5: obviously this fella never had one
item#6: Its normal if ur mum comes from the traditional mamak and pakistani family.
item#7: thats supposed to be a form of healthy dish if it's done accordingly. It cudve been maggi mee in the cup, the one that comes with its own spork (spoon-fork combo).
item#8: do u always glance at people while u passing by?
item#9: A closeted queen?
item#10: and so does quite a few vain dudes?
HEY ARDY ....
dah lama gak babe tak drop any comment here. hehehe... anyway, about yr post today, don't worry. we all do feel like losers at some point of time in our lives, don't we.
take care. just be happy k
losers need donuts. and i'm completely preoccuppied this week since the bibik will only be back this weekend I think. next week is a MESTI!
all checked except # 5 & 6. i dont watch martha stewart's and i never danced alone infront of the cermin, naked.. and drooling over my body (never!!)
but i still want to meet up knowing that we have somthing in common, especially the # 1. quite sad eh. tapi hang in there ardy, LOVE SUCKS!
(UWAAAAAA)
Ibu..I wanna do my nuts too!!!
Seademon,
I don't need an escort. I just need someone to tell me I'm cute.
AM,
Thanks! Donuts cheer me up all the time.
Coolasais,
It's time we do that Cherating trip then!
Manal,
I guess I could use some bitch-slap. But thanks for the heads-up!
Tissot,
Thanks. I think I'm happy :)
Jazz,
Heheh. Yeah, losers need to stick together and eat plenty of colourful donuts.
Aphroditekuzz,
You are eligible to join the club then. Let's talk about love and life next week, burgers are on me!
Seademon,
Can I do your nuts?
hope its not too late to drop a comment..
anyway, hi!
nak join ur L club, tapi, ade 2 jer kena.. still boleh join ker ?
;)
aez82,
Thanks for dropping by. But I'm afraid you need to have at least 4 to be in the club. And a hot babe like you shouldn't be joining the L club, unless you're looking for a way to hook up with me ;)
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