Bundle of despair

A friend recently saved a kitten from a certain death from being devoured by carnivorous giant red ants, the ones you normally seen in movies. The kitten was waiting to get into kitty heaven when he was rescued and brought to the vet. Thankfully, he survived to tell the tale to his offspring, where he battled carnivorous giant red ants and lived to talk about it.

Unfortunately, the same can't be said for the babies being discovered in dumpsters, drains, toilets and sidewalks. Most of them were already dead when they were found, blue, red and green were their colours. Their photos were splashed in the major newspapers, with hope that more people will buy the newspapers to look at the photos closely. Yes, I do not see how seeing dead babies will deter horny teenagers from having rampant sex with no regards to safety, or the oblivious fact that it can lead to unwanted pregnancy and dead babies.

The majority of the community are appalled and shocked, and voices are raised in various government departments and agencies and coffee shops, but they are just voices that will be blown away by the passage of time. Little do they know that deep in the bustling city with the tall buildings and trains, or somewhere in the remote village with broken roads and old bicycles, young couples are celebrating their undying love that ironically, might lead to a dead baby. If only they knew.

And probably nine months later, or probably lesser, a young girl will be in a secluded room, or toilet, giving birth alone to a child she had never wanted in the first place. And if she is lucky, the boy she surrendered herself to will be there by her side to help wrap the baby in a towel, and place the infant inside a garbage bag before abandoning their lovechild, alone and unwanted, and probably dying, someplace dark and cold.

It seems very hard to understand what is going through their heads during the whole ordeal. Being human, they must be overwhelmed with guilt and regrets, shame and fear. But can a human do such things to a poor defenseless baby? A baby with a soul of it's own, coming into the world with such hope and expectations. But departing the cruel world in a matter of minutes, in despair and destitute.

So how do we prevent this from happening? How do we stop the papers from publishing these images that will haunt us for as long as we can remember? How do we get those thick-skull politician into doing something worthwhile to help make the world a better place rather than fight and talk about matters that only concern their well-being?

These babies deserve to live. There are many couples, and good-hearted individuals out there who are willing to adopt them and give them a roof over their heads, food into their bellies, and love inside their hearts. And there is also OrphanCare, who can give these babies a second chance at having a family. The baby hatch was established, not so that couples can freely have sex, get pregnant and have babies at will with the ease of mind that someone else will take care of their babies. It is a place where mothers can leave their babies without fear of prosecution so that these babies will be safe and sound, and most importantly, alive.

Soon, we will be able to erect a monument, or build a wall to remember these babies, looking at the rate of abandoned babies being found daily, dead and alive. It will serve as a reminder, on how sometimes, animals are better than human, and humanity and compassion can be overrated at times.

And I wouldn't be surprise if tomorrow's headline reads, "Baby found dead: eaten alive by carnivorous giant red ants".

Lost

I have always wondered, what is it that I am searching for in my life?

When I was younger, all I wanted was money, so that I can buy all those nice toys and chocolates and sweets. I was obsessed with possessing plenty of toys. I wanted all those little army guys in green so that I can build my own army and conquer the world. I wanted all those nice trucks and vehicles, and also the guns and knives and even dolls. Yeah, barbie dolls especially, so that I can take their clothes off.

So I cheated, stole and lied. Anything to get me those toys. I didn't know why I do all that. Don't ask me why. Up to this day I'm still wondering why I did what I did. Maybe in a sick way, I was sick. I had psychological problem. That makes sense, I guess.

All that changed when I started to go to school. I still wanted money, but this time around, I worked my way around for it. I did chores, helped a few teachers, started my own small business selling tidbits and stuffs to my schoolmates, and invested in stocks. Well, okay, I didn't invested in stocks, but I wish I had done that. Unfortunately, I didn't get rich doing all that, although getting rich was not my aim. I didn't know why I do all that. Don't ask me why. Up to this day, I'm still wondering why I did what I did. Maybe I wanted to be independent, maybe I wanted more money. The weird thing is, I can't even remember what I used the money for. One thing for sure, I didn't invest them into stocks.

After school was even worse. That was the time when I was totally clueless about my life. No directions, no goals. So I drifted around, making bad decisions that effected my life, and making mistakes after mistakes. Sometimes making the same mistakes twice. And over and over and over and over and over and over again.

Nowadays. money was never the objective. I don't care about it that much anymore. Of course, I would love to earn more, but I'm not obsessed about it anymore. I found myself easily contented. I have grown into a typical slob. Sit me in front of the TV, feed me some junk food, and I'm happy. The couch has my ass mark written all over it. I'm still clueless about what I want.

In life, you need to have directions. You need to know where you are heading. You need to know how to get to where you are heading. They always say it's the journey that matters, not the destination. But what if you don't even have a destination. You're walking through your life, a journey on your own, with no destinations. So you're basically just walking around in circles. And in the end, you don't get what you want, and to where you want to go, because you just don't know.

Of course, it would be a whole lot easier if you can fly. Then you can go anywhere you want, in any directions, without the hassle of following a particular path. A road less traveled, that would be the deep blue skies. But unfortunately, I have yet to grow wings, nor invented any rocket-jet backpack.

But, when you're feel like you're done, and the darkness has won, and your world comes crashing down, and you can't bear the thought, you are not alone. Because I am there with you.

And we'll get lost together.

Two is better than one

There is no such thing as a simple solution in life. There is no such thing as a perfect formula to solve all your problems. The Wizard of Oz is a fraud, he can't solve your problems, he can't give you what you want. He might be able to trick you into thinking that he knows, when the truth is he has his own problems which he himself couldn't solve. But who doesn't?

You could be the 7-year-old boy eyeing the forbidden cookie in the cookie jar up the counter where he can't reach. You could be the 14-year-old girl thinking about having sex with her boyfriend but afraid that she is too young and her boyfriend might not be serious. You could be the 21-year-old man thinking about how to tell his father that he is gay and in love with his boyfriend. You could be the 28-year-old man wanting to get married but not having enough money for the wedding and having to resort to loan sharks. You could be the 35-year-old woman stuck in a dead-end job, single and not knowing where her life is leading. You could be the 42-year-old man trapped in a loveless marriage with 5 children. You could be the 49-year-old woman with terminal cancer, knowing that she can die anytime, yet having all these unfulfilled dreams.

Or you could be the 54-year-old man, who just found out that his 21-year-old son is gay, and planning to elope with his boyfriend.

How do you deal with all these problems? How do you solve them? Do you run from them, knowing that putting them at the back of your mind doesn't solve the problems? Or do you try to forget about these problems by turning to drugs and alcohol?

It is never easy when faced with such problems. Suppressing them deep inside of you will only makes it worse. And it's even worse when you have to face it all alone, not having anyone to talk, to share and unload, and to cry on their shoulder.

Yes, loneliness sucks. Being alone sucks. Not having good friends sucks. Not being able to face the day sucks. And Mondays suck too.

Wouldn't it be nice if x=y where x is problem and y is solution? Unfortunately life is not maths, and unless you believe that the answer to life, the universe and everything else is 42, you are on your own. It is your life, and no two lives are the same with each other.

So how do you deal with these problems?

For starters, you get someone to listen to you. Because, just maybe, two is better than one.

Above and below

It’s not rocket science, and you don’t have to be a genius to do it. It’s as simple as tying your shoelaces. But then again, no one does that anymore, except probably for school kids. Even those kids nowadays prefer those Velcro shoes, no more untied shoelaces. No more, “hey, your shoelaces are untie,” and you look down and POW, one big smack right up your chin. Yeah, old trick of the book, plenty of villains got away with that trick. Including the Ocean Master, half brother of Aquaman.

But if Aquaman can breathe on land, then that can only mean one thing. The world is not fair. Here I am gearing myself up to go underwater, with equipments that cost more than what I make in three months, and back-breaking tanks, with some contraption stuck in my mouth, and there goes Aquaman surfacing and climbing into the boat. “Enjoy the deep,” he told me.

I don’t see him putting anything in his mouth, nor is he wearing any tanks or breathing apparatus to help him breathe above ground. You dump a fish on land, and it will gasp for air and die after a while. But you don’t see Aquaman gasping for air. And he is still alive, as far as I can see. He is even smoking a cigarette now. I bet he can’t do that down there. Yeah, smoke all you want, Aquaman. Better even, fill up your lungs with the natural goodness of tar and tobacco. Maybe one day, I will see you gasp for air, with your tar-filled lungs bursting for oxygen, and your smirk turned into agony, and your face turning blue. Now that would be a sight.

And then maybe, just maybe, the world is fair again.

This, that, and the other

This is what we all look for. A good friendship, between a man and a woman. Now, a lot of skeptics out there do not believe in friendships between a man and a woman. Now, I'm not talking about those run of the mill, typical hi-bye friendship, this is more like the close-knit, share everything kind of friendship. There is always something at stake when it comes to those kind of friendship. How can those two be so close without developing feelings for each other? And what about the physical attraction? Unless one party resembles a beach whale (no offense to any whales out there), there must be some sparks, if not a big one, at least a small tiny spark that of course, could ignite into a bigger one.

Nevertheless, despite of all that, sometimes, it does work. The friendship, not the spark. Years of being there for each other, talking to each other, accompanying one another to the movies, having dinner together, those ought to create a sense of comfort and security between the man and the woman. A sense of knowing that there is a line drawn somewhere, and that line will always be there, for friendship sake. Cross the line and things will never be the same again. Ever.

That rarely happens, but in certain circumstances, it does happen. Let say, for experimental purposes, the man and the woman decided to have a physical relationship, maybe out of desperation, or even probably boredom. Hey, it happens, okay. There are instances where you have not had a working relationship for a very long time, so you start to look closer, say under your nose. And you suddenly realised that you have been friends with her for so long now that why not just sleep with her? It doesn't have to be a complicated relationship. You already have this going on with her, now all you want is that.

So the both of you come up with a set of rules to make sure that the friendship stays intact, plus you get the bonus of having a physical relationship. Three simple rules:

1. No calls the day after that
2. Spending the night is optional
3. No good night kiss

Now, these rules are important. It eliminates the pressure of feeling the need to be responsible, when you are not a couple. You are just friends, and will remain so. Most of the time, one party is expected to call the day after sex, probably to say something like, "last night was a mistake," or "last night was wonderful, I'm already missing you," or "are you free tonight?" And there is no need to spend the night after having sex, you can just pick up your clothes and head home. But since it is optional, of course you have the liberty of sleeping over (and there is always morning sex, but we all know how that's going to end). And most importantly, you don't feel the pressure of kissing your date goodnight when it wasn't even a date to begin with. It's just two friends, having dinner together. So no good night kiss. Simple as that.

Of course, now that you have this and that, things couldn't be better. I mean, you're still friends, and you're having sex with your friend every now and then. But beware, it won't last for long. Sooner or later, this and that won't be sufficient enough. Because sooner or later, you would want the other. And that's when things get complicated.

Because you see, the other is simply, a total relationship. Commitment and responsibility. Calling every day, kissing goodnight, spending the night. Those are all in the other. And now that you have this, that and the other, you are now officially, a couple.

Not that there is anything wrong with that. But if things didn't work out, then just remember, you might lose this. And you will definitely won't have that with her anymore. Ever.

The last day of the year

It's that day again, the last day of the year.

It happens every year. The same old routine. People wishing others happy new year, people making new resolutions, people driving around in their cars honking everyone else, and people partying like it's the end of the world. It never changes.

I guess some things will never change.

Unless of course, if you win the lottery, or the Power Root instant millionaire contest, and be so rich beyond your wildest dream. Then things will change. For you at least. You won't be worrying about ushering the new year, or even having to work ever again. Why should you? You're rich, and you have money to burn. Let your money work for you.

Oh yes, things will definitely change.

But for the rest of us, it will be the same old routine. The same old job with a 2% pay increase for the new year. That is if you're still have a job. There will be some of us who's unlucky enough to be retrenched. Yes, the economy is not good. Companies are cutting cost everywhere. And that means cutting jobs.

Not a very good year ahead, you might think. And you may be right. But that doesn't mean the world has to stop revolving. Somehow, life will always find a way to be right again. It's the wheel of life, you'll be down sometimes, but most of the times, if you're lucky enough, and determined, you'll be on top. And you'll look down upon the world and thank the blessings that you have received, the roof on top of your head, and the food that you eat everyday. And most importantly, the people that makes your life bearable. Your family and friends. The stranger who said thank you for helping him out while he was in trouble.

So thank you 2008. Thank you for being kind to me. Thank you for blessing me with happiness and a perfect life. Well, it might not be perfect, but to me, it is one. Thank you for completing me, and thank you for making the world a better place. Well, it might not be the best, but it could have been worse.

Let's hope for better times, and better things to come in 2009.

When fine is not good enough

So everything is not fine?

Things are not going the way you wanted them to be. Your life seems like a big hole, there's nothing concrete, there is no substance, there is no meaning at all. You grasp for something tangible, something real, but all you get is a shadow of your great self. Just a wisp of something you imagine you would be, and that's all you have.

Nothing more, nothing less.

So you seek deeper, you seek for your inner self. You seek for the meaning of life. You demand some answers, you demand justice.

But you don't even know the questions.

All you know, the answer might be 42. That's what the book says. The question is not important. You can travel the whole galaxy looking for the answer, but in the end, it will always be 42.

But that is besides the point.

Do you notice how people always ended up saying that they are fine when asked about their well-being? You ask them "how are you?", and most of the time, the immediate answer is "I'm fine, thanks". That's the simplest way to answer it anyway. No more explanation is needed, and you're not even sure if they were sincere when asking you in the first place.

The truth is, you're not fine. You are never fine. Things might be fine for a while, but in the long run, you always get back to where you started, which is nowhere. So how the hell do you get away from nowhere? You seem to be moving in circles, you can go a thousand miles away, yet you always return to the exact spot where you began. You seek for that place, for that piece of puzzle to complete your life, to complete yourself, and most importantly, you seek for something that means everything to you.

So in the end, what do you seek?

Extraordinary, and not just fine. But where do you find it?

Now that, is the question to the answer.

A free lunch

I love Sundays. It's always sunny on Sunday. Maybe not all the time, but most of the time, it is sunny. Probably that's why the called it Sunday. Sunny day. And today was no exception.

And Sunday is always associated with lazy. Time goes on as slowly as possible. You wake up in the morning, yet it feels like it's not the time to get out from bed yet. So you laze around in bed, until it's afternoon.

And then you realized, you just wasted a whole morning.

But that's okay, because it's a Sunday. Sunday mornings are meant to be wasted. No point getting up too early in the morning, unless of course if you want to catch Justice League Unlimited on TV. But not me though, Powerpuff Girls are on all day long this weekend, so I got enough dose of cartoons to last me a week. So it's the bed and me, and my pillows.

Of course, come afternoon, you know it's time to get out of bed and hit the shower when your stomach starts growling. But there's nothing in the kitchen worth eating, except for some expired yogurt and leftover pizzas from last week. And you don't feel like eating out, can't really decide where to go, what to eat. It's such a hassle.

So what is the best thing to do? For me, easy. There's only one place: Carrefour Subang Jaya. Not only can you do your weekly grocery shopping at a low price (guaranteed, or they'll return back twice the difference to you, as stated on their walls), but you also get to sample a host of products, free of charge. All you need to do is grab a trolley, or a basket, and come in before 12 noon. The place is not that crowded yet, and there's enough food for everybody. Start walking the aisle. For me, I headed to the can section, where the soup stall is located. For starters, Campbell soup, hot from the stove. Next to the soup stall, Prego is there with their delicious spaghetti and sauce. And not for from there, a pretty girl is making fried rice with Seri Aji Thai Fried Rice. Walk around the corner, and you'll find TC Boy tuna sandwiches waiting for you.

Need a drink by now? Head to the drink section, there are plenty to choose from. There are Milo, Soyabean, Yogurt drink, Sprite and even Anlene. Then you can have some mushroom with black pepper oyster sauce, grilled fish, and even fried tempura and some light snack such as twisties and rice crackers. And while you're eating all these, keep an eye on the mobile Nescafe man, who moves around with a Nescafe dispenser on his back, distributing a cup of hot aromatic Nescafe to shoppers.

Last but not least, don't forget the desserts, with different flavours of ice cream to begin with, and some dried prunes to help with your digestion. Then another ice cold Sprite to wash everything down, and you're set for the day. A good lunch, and most importantly, a free one.

And yes, one last thing, grab that one cup of Yogurt(to replace the expired one in the fridge), put it in your trolley, or basket, and head out to the cashier.

Such a nice sunny Sunday. Don't you just love it?

Enlightenment

I have found the cure to constipation. Give me a Nobel Prize, give me an Olympic gold medal. I don't mind either. Not that I am constipated to begin with. My faculties are functioning well, thank you. An apple a day keeps the doctor away, or so they say.

I eat apples everyday, yet the doctor is always around. Can't seem to be far away from the doctor. Unless of course if I am a invisible, then I can hide from the doctor, and eat all the apples I want.

No, apples are not the cure to constipation. Nor are bananas. You might think they are, but they only work occasionally. Tennis players eat bananas during breaks, a bite at a time. Then they wrap it back up, and keep the banana in their bag. Not basketballers though. Basketballers drink Gatorade, with most of them preferring the orange one. Every timeouts, there's a cup of Gatorade in their hand. I love Gatorade, but 100 plus is cheaper here. So I drink 100 plus. I buy two bottles everytime I'm down in Carrefour, because that's the limit one can buy. It says so on the shelf: Limit two bottles per customer. Not that I'm complaining, because two bottles can last me for quite a while.

Unless of course if it's a hot day. There's nothing like a tall glass of cold 100 plus to quench your thirst. Or if I'm too lazy to eat dinner, like tonight. Never heard of anyone being too lazy to eat before. It's not like there's no food at home. There's plenty of food. But the act of getting the food and putting it in my mouth, well, I just don't have the stomach for it, literally speaking. Or come to think of it, I think I lost my appetite after taking that cure to constipation that I was talking about earlier. Not that I am constipated or anything, but I've already said that too.

So what is it that's so good that it can cure constipation, and also causes you to lose your appetite? It's available to you once a week, and it runs for about 40 minutes or so. Two words.

Ampang Medikal.

Habeas corpus

When you were a small kid, do you spend most of your time in front of the TV? Or were you the type who goes outside and play with the other neighbourhood kids? I only ventured outside when I was 10 years old, and that was because we moved to a new town where the neighbours are friendlier and the kids are aplenty.

So I made new friends, and played all sort of games and did all sort of mischief with them. Cycled from east to west, and jumped into mudholes and streams. But I still have my regular dosage of TV, with cartoons always the top priority. I guess that's why I'm still hooked to cartoons even until now, life is just different without them. Of course, the cartoons nowadays are a whole lot different from the ones back then. There are more silly cartoons nowadays, and the jokes are a little harder to understand if you're a five year-old kid. Back then, the theme is simpler, with good always prevailing over evil, and there is always a moral in each episodes.

A was also hooked to Sesame Street back then. I just love Big Bird, Snuffy, Bert and Ernie (rumors have it that they are a gay couple), Kermit the Frog, Cookie Monster and Count Von Count. I think I learnt quit a lot from watching the show.

And you know how in each episode there is the word of the day, and also the number of the day? Well, if you read the newspaper and watch the news for the past week, you will notice that the word of the day for last week is habeas corpus. Personally, I have no idea what it means, because that word has never been the word of the day in Sesame Street. But you can always google it and find the meaning online.

As for the number of the day, that would be 47, because that is the number that the word habeas corpus appeared in the newspaper (The Star) last week. And I know this because I actually counted it.

What? You don't believe me? Well, feel free to count it then!

Fascination with holes

I was never a fan of Anwar Ibrahim. Please note the tense in that sentence, because it is meant that way.

To me, Anwar is just someone who is ambitious enough to challenge Tun Dr. Mahathir when he was the Prime Minister of Malaysia, and paid for his folly sulking in prison for a few years with charges so absurd only an idiot would believe that he actually loves ass. Well, whether he really did it with his step-brother that time still remains a mystery, but that is besides the point. The point is he was too ambitious and had his own grand plan that something had to be done to cut him short.

And so came the sodomy charges, and a few corruption charges as well.

But come on, I think almost everyone in politics are corrupt, one way or another. It's very hard to stay clean in politics. Anything that involves power and a lot of money is bound to be corrupted. And that is a fact, an undeniable fact.

Anwar is a free man again, and he is continuing his quest to become the next Prime Minister. But as always, he won't have it easy. Another sodomy charge follows suit, and this time around, his former coffee boy lodged a police report that he was sodomised by Anwar.

I do not know about you, but there is something fishy about all this. First of all, I think the boy is despicable. It looked more like consensual sex to me, and there he went lodging a report about how he was the victim, when all you know, he can always say no when Anwar wanted to do it. The man is almost thrice his age, and not like he was pointing a gun to him and asking him to bend over. There's definitely something rotten going on here, and I hope for once, truth and justice will prevail.

One thing for sure, I am now rooting for the boy to burn in hell.

On a related note, a man in Hong Kong had to call the police to try and free him after his penis got stuck in a park bench after he had apparently tried to have sex with the bench. Emergency workers took four hours trying to free the man after he attempted to use a hole in the exercise bench to masturbate in a deserted park after dark. Eventually they had to take him to the hospital with the bench's eight-foot-long metal base still attached to him after attempts to free him by draining blood from his penis failed.

Doctors said the 42-year-old was lucky to still have a penis after the embarrassing incident. Bet he won't be having anymore dates with the park bench. Maybe he can move on to that tree with the hole near the park. It could be another pleasant experience, depends on the size of the hole.

And how are these two related with each other? Both of them involved inserting a penis into a hole. Go figure.

A sad world

It's despicable.

The problem with reading the newspaper is there are always bad news and bad things happening around us. Nothing much that gives you that feel-good factor anymore. It's always some politicians doing this, another politician doing that, the Prime Minister saying that, some ministers saying this, and all sorts of unholy things.

Worse are the crimes and robbery reported in the newspaper. Murders are aplenty, robbers roam the streets while rapist and kidnappers are stalking the children. And these are the reported ones. I'm sure there are plenty more of unreported cases which are not highlighted in the newspaper.

But the worst of them all has to be this. How low can you be, to rob a children's home? What were you thinking? Easy prey? Loads of hidden cash inside? In the end, they drove away with the centre's van, depriving the home of its only mode of transportation.

I do not know about you, but reading such news makes me want to turn into the Incredible Hulk, and smash things up. But then again, I'm no hulk.

I'm not even close to being a Batman. So all I can do is rage away at home, while
imagining the things that I might do if I am indeed Batman.

Where is Batman when you need him?

The weak shall inherit the earth

I do not know about you, but one thing I cannot tolerate at all is a man hitting a woman. Or to be specific, a husband hitting his wife.

It's despicable. A cowardly act. Like a big bully in the school yard. Just because you are bigger and stronger, you think you can go around and hit other people. And just because you think you have the power over your wife, you can treat her like a slave, push her around and beat her up. But I'm getting ahead of myself here.

I am an avid follower of Kisah Benar(also known as Neraca). In case you have no idea what that is, it is a TV series showing on TV3 every Monday to Thursday at 1pm. Yes, I'm one of those fortunate ones who stays 5 minutes away from where I work. Hence lunch is always a home affair, with the bed and TV being my lunch partners most of the time.

Hence my addiction to Kisah Benar. I think I've watched almost every single episode of that series, to the extend of repeating them again, twice. Kisah Benar, as the name suggested it, is based on true stories, with some embellishment and exaggeration added in for some sugar and spice. Some of the episodes are plain ridiculous and stupid that you feel like smashing something after watching them.

Today's episode was one of them. It was about a man who treated his wife like shit and fool around outside with other women. To make matter worse, he was not working, so his source of income was from the wife. The wife always ended up late to the office, because she had to send their two kids to school, by bus. She has a car, under her name, but the husband drives it like he owns it. She almost got fired because of this, and practically had to beg to the boss to give her another chance. Then, after work, she had to take the bus and fetched the kids from school, while the husband happily talked to other women on the phone at home. There was once when the husband dumped her and the kids out of the car in the middle of nowhere!

One day, the husband was so desperate for money that he stole the kids savings. That was the last straw. The wife finally lost her patience, and a fight ensured. Of course she got beaten up, yet again. She finally told her brother (a tough macho guy) who came and paid them a visit, and beat up the husband to a pulp. He finally realised his errors, and apologized to the wife.

I think, women should not tolerate men who act like a barbarian, husband or not. Especially those who do not respect you, and feel all so mighty and powerful that they can do anything that they want. In the show, I think the wife should have bolted out of the door at the first sign of abuse. Granted that they have been married for 10 years, and have two kids. But what kind of a father is that? Won't you rather your kids to be fatherless than having an abusing one running around beating up everybody in the house?

That's the sickening part. I don't know which one I hated the most, the husband for being an abusive barbarian, or the wife for being a timid and ever-so-obedient wife. But that's the thing, in the real world, this kind of things do happen.

And to me, that is the most sickening part.

What goes up, stays up

I was out getting my dinner at the friendly neighbourhood mamak when I was told that they have increased their price for most of their food. Being friendly and all, we chatted about the global price increase, and how its effect on the people.

Mee goreng used to cost RM3.00 and now it is up to RM3.50. A big increase, but this is because the price of yellow noodles has increased significantly. Roti canai is up 10 cents to 90 cents, while my favourite plain tea also share the same fate. But I don’t really blame them. Their prices are still considered cheap, if you compare to other places. Roti canai at 90 cents? Most places now are up to RM1.00, while their plain tea is RM1.10.

It’s disheartening to find this increase taking place before our own eyes. We read about it, and somehow we know that it is going to happen. It's a good thing I won't be spending my money to eat out anymore starting next month. With an impending move looming ahead, I'm looking forward to settling down to new routines, and habits. Old habits die hard, but then again, adjustment must be made or I might go bust in no time.

When I was in Semporna last weekend, I was shocked to discover that the drinks are costly over there. A normal glass of ice tea cost up to RM2.00. While drinks with milk such as Milo and Nescafe cost up to RM2.50. It doesn't help with the abundance of tourists swarming the place. It makes me wonder how the local survive down there. But I guess the expensive meals are reserved for tourists from out of town. The locals know where to shop and eat, and I was proven right when upon exploring, I stumbled into a goldmine, so to speak. Cheap delicious local food.

I've always make it a habit of not frequenting places that overcharges. There is a big difference between expensive and moderately priced, depending on the food quality and volume. And I think RM3.50 for a plate of Mee Goreng is still acceptable.

Another two weeks, then it's good home cook meals for me. Heavenly.

Out of nothing

Suddenly time stands still.

It is raining outside. The drizzle breaks the silence of the night, and the darkness is broken by the occasional flashes of lightning. Apart from mother nature making her presence felt, it is completely serene. The night breeze is cooling, and somehow it feels that the second hand on my alarm clock is moving so slowly, that it might as well stop moving.

It has been a slow night. The fact that I have skipped dinner does not help at all. I am suddenly craving for something meaty, like a piece of a medium-rare steak or a nice leg of lamb. Maybe a nice fat hamburger might end this hunger, but the thought of braving the cold night in this light drizzle turns me off completely.

At least I know I'd rather be hungry than moving.

But it's not helping at all.

It's easier to keep my mind occupied to chase away the hunger, but there are always flashes of food when I blink my eyes. And the growling in my stomach reminds me of my predicament. A quick look around the room reveals a pack of biscuit under the bookshelves at the corner of the room, but it looks so dry and unappetizing.

Sleep will cure this madness. Sleep will bring me the piece of steak I desire most. Sleep will bring me that leg of lamb with a side of mint sauce and baked potatoes.

Sleep is what I need then, and not food.

Just breathe

Breathe, just breathe.

Pain is just a state of mind.

Even if my body is feeling the full wrath of it. But I have a strong mind, and I should be able to numb the pain away.

Theoretically.

For now, all I need to do is just breathe.

A typical lazy Sunday

Every now and then, it's nice to have some time to yourself to just chill out at home, doing particularly nothing and achieving nothing at the same time. I think the correct term for it is time wasting. You can either nap, surf the web, watch TV, or even read. Or you can just laze around in bed, with minimum clothings, and fantasize about anything in random. Which is what I did just now. But my imagination is a bit dull, I think I have a condition called the lazy mind. You normally get it by watching too many porns at one go, which at the same time numb your mind to any feelings whatsoever.

Which is exactly what I am feeling right now. Nothing.

Which is great, because I don't want to feel anything. My shoulders are aching for constantly thinking and feeling. Weird how the shoulders are involved in this, but when you really think about it, it's like the weight of the world is on my shoulders, hence the aching shoulders. and it's not a good feeling.

But wait, I'm not supposed to feel anything.

I rarely get to spend time on my own now, what with work, and other commitments and friends who need babysitting. Which is great, because a busy life means a meaningful life, isn't it? Don't get me wrong, I do love my life. I love my friends, and I love my job (maybe not wholeheartedly, but there is some love in there). Period. No buts, no regrets.

And it's great to have things to do all the time. Even if it's only running to the shop to get today's newspaper. Or feeding the cat and terrorizing the kitten, clearing the junks under the bed while listening to the music, or fixing the air-con fuse for the car. Sometimes, it's the little things you do in life that makes it meaningful, and fulfilling. Yet, some of us crave for something bigger, on a worldly scale, to be truly satisfied and self-fulfilled.

I guess I'm just the typical lazy guy who just wishes that the world can move at a crawling pace.

Anger management

I'm an angry man. I have never dealt with anger properly before. Most of the time, it will just get suppressed deep down my bowels, with the hope that it will exited my system with the rest of my waste products every morning when I go to the toilet.

I just did (went to the toilet), yet the anger still remains. So I guess that did not work anymore.

Come to think of it, it never worked before.

So I did what I normally do when I'm angry. I watch porn. Lots of porns. At least, instead of boiling mad with anger, I'll be boiling mad with desires. And it helped, in a way.

Albeit only temporary.

So I blasted my stereo and listened to songs from TV/Movie themes. Knight Rider, Airwolf, Superman, Charmed, Indiana Jones, Mission Impossible and many more. That helped a bit, keeping my mind occupied for a while. And the mad dancing, in front of the mirror. Naked.

But then I remembered, that was what started it all. No, not the dancing or being naked. The TV. The cold and curt reply. The hurt and anger.

This is not helping at all.

Four hours to my yoga class. If that doesn't work, I don't know what will.

Above and below

Do you want to travel the world? Do you want to be a diver for pearls? Or climb up mountains and touch the clouds above?

I have climbed numerous mountains, and have always enjoy the jungles and the mountains. I started way back when I was in school, and have never looked back since. And I hope my love for it will never die.

Come tomorrow, I will embark on a new adventure, and this time, it will be heading down. Into the ocean, to be specific. I have always wanted to dive, but have never found the time and means to do so. But thanks to the friends that I've made this past few months, I am just a step away from logging in my first dive.

I had the chance of testing the water, so to speak, last November when I went on a diving trip to Pulau Sembilan. Although I wasn't a diver back then, I had the chance of going under for an hour. And I know from that moment on that it is something that I want to do regularly. I wish I had done it sooner, but I guess it's never late than never.

Diving is an expensive hobby. The trips themselves will cost you quite a sum, not to mention the equipments and the boat charter. And it is not something that you can simply pick up, like mountain climbing. You need to attend classes, sit for exams, and finally be certified by a professional trainer. And there are levels that you can attain for if you wish. But each step will cost you more money.

That's why you need to do so sparingly. Unless of course, if you're filthy rich and have nothing else better to do.

At times, I do wish I'm filthy rich and have nothing else better to do.

But then again, I prefer what I have now, even if it's not a lot.

Intense moments

It was the day where the nation decides. The votes have all been cast, they're now being counted. And everywhere in the nation, everyone is glued in front of the TV watching the results as they are being announced live.

So far, it has been a bloodbath, so to speak.

As suspected, BN has won Sabah and Malacca. And PAS has retain Kelantan. And surprisingly, BN has won Perlis easily too. While the upsets would definitely be the lost of Penang to the opposition. Kedah and Perak are very close at the moment, and it's very hard to predict the winner for these two states. While everywhere else, the battle is tensed and heated. One thing for sure, BNs majorities have been significantly reduced.

If there is a time to be worried, now would be a good time.

And if there is a time to be rejoiced, now would be a good time too.

It's no surprise that it's going to be a very close fight. And it's no surprise that there will be plenty of upsets too. I think everyone is sick of watching the BN's commercial which keeps on appearing on TV every 5 minutes or so. And for someone who spends most of the nights in front of the TV, I was brainwashed by the commercial. Brainwashed into hating and loathing the frequency of the commercials.

My vote was based on that, simply for that reason alone.

Well, maybe there is another factor, come to think of it. I am also a sucker to cute Chinese Politicians.

But I digress.

From a landslide victory in 2004 for BN, it is now a different story for them. I think the people are getting sick and tired of the things that have been going on for the past 4 years, and it shows in the results. One thing I notice also is the number of spoilt votes which have increased too. This must be the ones who decided that both parties are incapable of running the country, and they want their voices to be heard.

One thing for sure, people is hoping for change.

And I think, in a few hours more, we might see some big changes.