From this moment

You're the reason I believe in love
And you're the answer to my prayers from up above
All we need is just the two of us

My dreams came true because of you...

Good love is on the way

I'm sure some of you have seen this, but I would love to share this with everyone.



If you're having trouble to see it from here, you can watch it on YouTube here.

I always believe in love, and I will keep on believing. Good things come to those who wait. Wait and seek. And never lose faith.

Happy Valentine's Day!

V is for Valentine

Call me a romantic fool, but I always look forward to Valentine's Day. Not that I celebrate it, since I've been single for as long as I can remember, but it's heartening to read and hear about those lucky ones who have someone to celebrate it with.

Which reminds me, The Imam at the mosque I went to for Friday's prayer last week did a sermon about how celebrating Valentine's Day is haram, since the day originated from a Christian martyr with the same name. But then again, so is celebrating Deepavali, Christmas and other festivities, come to think of it. Well, that's what they said anyway.

Nowadays, Valentine's Day has more commercial values rather than what it is supposed to mean. It's a day when the price of flowers goes up like a rocket being launched, and expensive restaurants become more expensive, and are only accessible through reservations. Flowers and expensive candlelight dinner. I guess it doesn't take much to win a girl's heart nowadays. Oh yes, don't forget that perfect gift (a diamond ring, or a diamond pendant, perhaps) to totally sweep her off her feet.

My first Valentine's experience was a little comical. I think I was only 9 at that time, and it wasn't like I have a girlfriend at that time. But I happened to befriended this sweet little girl who lived behind my house, and we were sort of dating (well, more like playmates). But I would love to imagine that we were dating, since most of the time we were playing house and we always imagine ourselves as husband and wife.

Anyway, come Valentine's Day that year, I gave her some flowers, but since I couldn't afford to buy any, and I couldn't find any pretty enough that I could pluck, I did the next best thing that was possible. I cut pictures of flowers from magazines, and pasted them on cardboards which I then cut into the appropriate shape. And I remember sharing with her a bar of chocolate, which I smuggled out from the fridge in my house. And what did I get in return? Well, I think I'll keep that to myself (get that thought out of your mind, we were only 9 years old at that time!)

Fast forward a few years, when I was in secondary school, the value of Valentine's Day sort of diminished, most probably because I was in a boarding school and we were warned by those righteous brothers not to celebrate it in any way. But being quite popular with the opposite sex, I was showered with the occasional gift, and love letters, although most of them came anonymously.

Anyway, my last Valentine was quite a success. I cooked dinner for my girlfriend at that time (yes, I finally had one, and we were a couple, not playmates). I managed to coaxed my housemates to leave the house for the night (it involved an exchanged of cash) and did quite a romantic setting, with candles and flowers and nice music in the background. My spaghetti turned up well, and she was totally taken by the whole thing. My reward, well, needless to say, it was definitely better than the one I received when I was 9 years old.

So do I have any plans for this year's Valentine? Most probably not. But you'll never know. I might change my mind at the very last minute. But wait a minute, I'm missing an important ingredient for the whole thing to take place. I don't have a girlfriend.

When I fall in love

When was the last time you fall in love? You feel weak on your knees, you have butterflies in your stomach, your throat feel so dry and you can barely construct a sentence without blubbering. All you can do is gaze and stare, and you feel like your heart is going to explode, but at the same time, it is beating so slow that you could barely feel it.

And you know, at that precise moment, that you are in love.

I’m not saying that is how we should fall in love. There are many types of love; friendship love, security love, romantic love and unconditional love, to name a few. Friendship love is a love between yourself and someone that is totally honest, open and comfortable. You can share everything with that someone, and feel comfortable talking and sharing even your deepest secret with that person.

Security love is more like a bond between parents and their children. It is a nurturing and caring kind of love, where we thrive on in order to be happy. It is also a love between human and God, which can also be, the ultimate love of all.

Romantic love can be love at first sight, someone you are attracted to because of the person physical appearance. Sometimes you can feel a certain connection with that person. But most of the time, it is also associated with lust.

Then there is unconditional love, a sincere love that last forever. When nothing else matter, as long as the other person is happy and safe.

But how do you know when you really fall in love, and not lust? For starters, lust is a temporary emotion, you like someone based on the person physical appearance. You might find that as soon as you get to know them for their personality, you are no longer interested in them. Lust is also not enough to sustain a long-lasting relationship. Most of the time, the relationship just fizzles away once you get past the infatuation stage.

Then comes the next question, what is true love? Does it even exist? And do you even dare believing in it? True love is rare. True love is a part of unconditional love, and also romantic love. True love is what sustains a relationship through eternity. But how do you know when true love comes knocking on your heart?

Let me tell you how I know. For me, it involves intimacy, passion and commitment. I feel strongly about her, strong enough to miss her when she is not around but respect her enough to let her pursue her own goals and interests. I care about her well-being and want the best for her, even if it means that I may have to sacrifice some of my time with her. And I should be able to get angry or disappointed with her without it ever changing how I feel about her.I also know that I’m interested in her both physically and mentally. I don't think it is enough, for example, to love someone because the person is nice. There are a lot of nice people in the world, so it should be more than that. They need to possess many different qualities that you enjoy and admire.

Yes, I do believe in true love. And yes, I am in love.

If only I have the courage to tell her how I feel.

My first love letter

My dearest Ardy,

Hullo, how are you now? have you missed me yet? Don't ask me about my true feelings right now because I am feeling rather miserable about everything... my studies, the weather, my mom, my dad, my brothers and sister, everything! I miss everybody, whom I left in Malaysia, especially YOU. I don't know whether I would survive this feeling thinking that it's only 3 days and not even a week yet I start wishing that everybody is here with me.. urghh.. what a feeling.

Actually, there's so much things which I wish to tell you until I don't know where to start. Hmm.. let me tell you from the day I left Malaysia and you. Do you remember when I told you that Subang will be flooded with my tears and everything? Well, I thought that I was going to cry but through some miracle way, I didn't shed even a tear. So, don't you ever cry when you leave your family okay or I'll be the first person to laugh at you there. Believe me, I'm everywhere you go! Heh.. heh...

Hmm.. I don't want to talk much on that because I know that you'll be bored to death to hear everything. Well, to be frank, as I write this aerogramme, your photos are safely on my study desk and your letter is still in my hands. Before anything, thanks a lot for the cute and lovely present. I promise to treasure it forever. Telling you the truth, I reread your letter 5 times on the plane. I want to reread it 10 times but then, as the tears started to brim in my eyes, I gave up. I don't know what would you say about that... maybe you will say that I am silly, but as the song goes "wise man says, only fools rush in - but I can't help ..... ". Really, forgive me for all this stupid things I've said but well... I don't know. I've never been in this state of mine like this before!

For your information, I did sent you a present especially for you from UK. I don't know whether it would reach you safely before your departure but I am praying to God that there's nothing going to delay it anyway. Wow.. it seems that the space is really limited. Would you promise me something? Would you write to me immediately after you've known your real address? If you want to know something, I'm really looking forward for your reply. I do miss your voice here and I was tempted a few times to ring you up but thinking twice, especially about money, I cancelled it. Maybe sometime, somewhere, someway, we would be together again, maybe... only God knows. Lastly, do keep in touch and take care of yourself 'coz I really care about you. I miss you very much. Adios!

Love actually

I am a firm believer of love. I believe everybody deserves to love, and to be loved. I believe there is love out there for everyone.

But having faith alone is not enough to make it real. Because you can believe in something so deep in your life, but if you just sit on your faith and never go about seeking it, it will not come to you. Instead, it will stare at you from afar, wishing that you had come seeking it instead of just believing in it.

Yet there are some of us, who have faith, and who seek for love, but never finding it. There are some who found a semblance of love, and embraced it, only to realise later on that it was not what they seek in the first place. And there are some who got so misguided in the search that they embraced the darkness instead.

But can you feel love, when your heart is shrouded in darkness?

Darkness exists in the absence of light. Just as cold exists in the absence of heat. And hate. Hate exists in the absence of love.

The opposite of love is apathy, and not hate. Hate is really the same as love. If you're so consumed by hatred for someone, you might as well be loving them, because you're thinking about them for the same amount of time. So what is a love-hate relationship?

They always say that you shouldn't hate someone so deeply, because in time, your hate will turn into love. I know this girl who hated this guy so much that she once kicked him in the groin. But they are happily married now, and she has long stopped kicking him in the groin. Instead, she does something else there, to the delight of the guy.

I wish a girl would hate me so much and kick me in the groin and later marry me. But then again, maybe I should be careful of what I wish for.

Because I'm sure there are girls out there who wouldn't mind kicking me in the groin. But that's as much as I get.

Not a comforting thought, come to think of it.