There are many things that I miss. I miss my flat, well-toned stomach. I miss playing basketball. I miss going to warehouse sales scouring for excellent bargains. I miss not spending too much time in front of my laptop. I miss reading my books, and rereading some of them, especially about Anne. I miss catching up on my sleep. I miss waking up at noon, and lying in bed for the whole day on Sundays. I miss working out late at the gym and being complimented by gay men in the locker room. I miss driving my old green car, a lot.
I miss hanging out with my friends, talking about sports and girls. I miss Dorai and his soups, with the warmth of friends. I miss pouring out my soul and listening to wounded souls. I miss plucking the guitar, and playing a song that melts my heart. I miss the deep sea, and the creatures inhabiting it. I miss watching cartoons on Saturday mornings. I miss driving two hours to be with someone and have crazy sex all night long, a lot.
I miss the thrill of winning, and losing. I miss watching the stars at night and thinking about absolutely nothing. I miss being close to God. I miss my old room with the nice comfy bed in JB. I miss my stash of porn, well-hidden under that comfy bed. I miss opening the fridge to find some snacks to munch while watching Grey's. I miss my old orange cat, Rimau Taring, a lot.
I miss catching a plane to another country with no plans beforehand. I miss sleeping in cheap inns and eating lousy food. I miss admiring the pretty and cute girls at the train and bus stations. I miss bargaining for cheap handicraft products, and flirting with the salesgirl. I miss getting seasick and throwing up bits and chunks. I miss eating fresh cherries and apricots, a lot.
I miss blogging, and writing about things in my mind. I miss reading interesting blogs, blogs that inspire me to write even more. I miss watching Aerosmith's Crying, Amazing and Crazy music videos with a young Alicia in it. I miss the rush of the wind on my face while rollerblading downhill on St. Kilda Road. I miss walking down the pier at night, listening to the waves crashing down the rocks. I miss waiting for the mailman to deliver the letters from across the ocean. I miss watching Martina and Anna playing doubles at the Australian Open. I miss sitting under the tree at the park and writing my journal, a lot.
And I miss spending the day with you, eating jellies and doing absolutely nothing at all.
Friday, December 24
Thursday, August 12
Bundle of despair
A friend recently saved a kitten from a certain death from being devoured by carnivorous giant red ants, the ones you normally seen in movies. The kitten was waiting to get into kitty heaven when he was rescued and brought to the vet. Thankfully, he survived to tell the tale to his offspring, where he battled carnivorous giant red ants and lived to talk about it.
Unfortunately, the same can't be said for the babies being discovered in dumpsters, drains, toilets and sidewalks. Most of them were already dead when they were found, blue, red and green were their colours. Their photos were splashed in the major newspapers, with hope that more people will buy the newspapers to look at the photos closely. Yes, I do not see how seeing dead babies will deter horny teenagers from having rampant sex with no regards to safety, or the oblivious fact that it can lead to unwanted pregnancy and dead babies.
The majority of the community are appalled and shocked, and voices are raised in various government departments and agencies and coffee shops, but they are just voices that will be blown away by the passage of time. Little do they know that deep in the bustling city with the tall buildings and trains, or somewhere in the remote village with broken roads and old bicycles, young couples are celebrating their undying love that ironically, might lead to a dead baby. If only they knew.
And probably nine months later, or probably lesser, a young girl will be in a secluded room, or toilet, giving birth alone to a child she had never wanted in the first place. And if she is lucky, the boy she surrendered herself to will be there by her side to help wrap the baby in a towel, and place the infant inside a garbage bag before abandoning their lovechild, alone and unwanted, and probably dying, someplace dark and cold.
It seems very hard to understand what is going through their heads during the whole ordeal. Being human, they must be overwhelmed with guilt and regrets, shame and fear. But can a human do such things to a poor defenseless baby? A baby with a soul of it's own, coming into the world with such hope and expectations. But departing the cruel world in a matter of minutes, in despair and destitute.
So how do we prevent this from happening? How do we stop the papers from publishing these images that will haunt us for as long as we can remember? How do we get those thick-skull politician into doing something worthwhile to help make the world a better place rather than fight and talk about matters that only concern their well-being?
These babies deserve to live. There are many couples, and good-hearted individuals out there who are willing to adopt them and give them a roof over their heads, food into their bellies, and love inside their hearts. And there is also OrphanCare, who can give these babies a second chance at having a family. The baby hatch was established, not so that couples can freely have sex, get pregnant and have babies at will with the ease of mind that someone else will take care of their babies. It is a place where mothers can leave their babies without fear of prosecution so that these babies will be safe and sound, and most importantly, alive.
Soon, we will be able to erect a monument, or build a wall to remember these babies, looking at the rate of abandoned babies being found daily, dead and alive. It will serve as a reminder, on how sometimes, animals are better than human, and humanity and compassion can be overrated at times.
And I wouldn't be surprise if tomorrow's headline reads, "Baby found dead: eaten alive by carnivorous giant red ants".
Unfortunately, the same can't be said for the babies being discovered in dumpsters, drains, toilets and sidewalks. Most of them were already dead when they were found, blue, red and green were their colours. Their photos were splashed in the major newspapers, with hope that more people will buy the newspapers to look at the photos closely. Yes, I do not see how seeing dead babies will deter horny teenagers from having rampant sex with no regards to safety, or the oblivious fact that it can lead to unwanted pregnancy and dead babies.
The majority of the community are appalled and shocked, and voices are raised in various government departments and agencies and coffee shops, but they are just voices that will be blown away by the passage of time. Little do they know that deep in the bustling city with the tall buildings and trains, or somewhere in the remote village with broken roads and old bicycles, young couples are celebrating their undying love that ironically, might lead to a dead baby. If only they knew.
And probably nine months later, or probably lesser, a young girl will be in a secluded room, or toilet, giving birth alone to a child she had never wanted in the first place. And if she is lucky, the boy she surrendered herself to will be there by her side to help wrap the baby in a towel, and place the infant inside a garbage bag before abandoning their lovechild, alone and unwanted, and probably dying, someplace dark and cold.
It seems very hard to understand what is going through their heads during the whole ordeal. Being human, they must be overwhelmed with guilt and regrets, shame and fear. But can a human do such things to a poor defenseless baby? A baby with a soul of it's own, coming into the world with such hope and expectations. But departing the cruel world in a matter of minutes, in despair and destitute.
So how do we prevent this from happening? How do we stop the papers from publishing these images that will haunt us for as long as we can remember? How do we get those thick-skull politician into doing something worthwhile to help make the world a better place rather than fight and talk about matters that only concern their well-being?
These babies deserve to live. There are many couples, and good-hearted individuals out there who are willing to adopt them and give them a roof over their heads, food into their bellies, and love inside their hearts. And there is also OrphanCare, who can give these babies a second chance at having a family. The baby hatch was established, not so that couples can freely have sex, get pregnant and have babies at will with the ease of mind that someone else will take care of their babies. It is a place where mothers can leave their babies without fear of prosecution so that these babies will be safe and sound, and most importantly, alive.
Soon, we will be able to erect a monument, or build a wall to remember these babies, looking at the rate of abandoned babies being found daily, dead and alive. It will serve as a reminder, on how sometimes, animals are better than human, and humanity and compassion can be overrated at times.
And I wouldn't be surprise if tomorrow's headline reads, "Baby found dead: eaten alive by carnivorous giant red ants".
Friday, July 9
The decision
The city of Cleveland has had it's fair share of heartbreaking moments in sporting history. They last won a major championship in 1964, when the Cleveland Brown defeated the Baltimore Colts for the NFL title. 46 years later, they are still searching for another major championship, and it looks like the wait will be longer now that their best bet at winning one has ditched the city he called home for 7 years.
Yes, LeBron James has left Cleveland for Miami. He will be joining Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh, and with the three of them playing together in the same team, he hopes to win the coveted ring, which Kobe Bryant has on each of his fingers on his left hand. Yes, Kobe has 5 rings now, 5 championships that puts him one shy behind Michael Jordan. James, with all his MVPs and fantastic stats, will never be the greatest player ever if he doesn't start winning those rings. We can talk all day long about legacy and greatness, but without those rings, James is just another great player in the same boat with Steve Nash, John Stockton, Karl Malone, Charles Barkley, Patrick Ewing, Reggie Miller, Allen Iverson and the list goes on and on.
And James wouldn't want that. That's why he is taking a paycut and ditching a city he called home for the past 7 years, an organisation who has bend over backward multiple times to give him everything he wanted, yet still fall short on delivering him the perfect support for a Championship win. Not to say he would never win one with Cleveland, but he prefers to take his chances with Wade and Bosh alongside him.
So, while Miami is building a dynasty, Cleveland is left devastated. Among others notable event in Cleveland's sports Hall of Shame:
The Drive - 1987 AFC Championship Game: Browns vs Broncos, leading by a touchdown with 5 minutes left, but John Elway lead his team 98 yards to tie the game and win in overtime.
The Fumble - 1988 AFC Championship Game: Browns vs Broncos, with 1 minute left on the clock, Earnest Byner was on his way to score the game-tying touchdown, but lost a fumble at the 3-yard line.
The Shot - 1989 NBA First Round Playoffs Game 5: Cavaliers vs Bulls, Michael Jordan scored the buzzer beater to win the series.
The Move - 1995: The Brown's owner decided to move the franchise to Baltimore, which led to plenty of lawsuits and ultimately, the suspension of the franchise for 3 years.
And now, the latest one to enter the list.
The Decision - 2010: James announcement - "This fall I am taking my talents to South Beach and play with the Miami Heat. The major factor was the best opportunity for me to win, to win now and for the future also. Winning is the most important thing for me. I feel like is going to be the best opportunity."
With Wade and Bosh alongside him now, it's a whole lot easier to win.
Yes, LeBron James has left Cleveland for Miami. He will be joining Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh, and with the three of them playing together in the same team, he hopes to win the coveted ring, which Kobe Bryant has on each of his fingers on his left hand. Yes, Kobe has 5 rings now, 5 championships that puts him one shy behind Michael Jordan. James, with all his MVPs and fantastic stats, will never be the greatest player ever if he doesn't start winning those rings. We can talk all day long about legacy and greatness, but without those rings, James is just another great player in the same boat with Steve Nash, John Stockton, Karl Malone, Charles Barkley, Patrick Ewing, Reggie Miller, Allen Iverson and the list goes on and on.
And James wouldn't want that. That's why he is taking a paycut and ditching a city he called home for the past 7 years, an organisation who has bend over backward multiple times to give him everything he wanted, yet still fall short on delivering him the perfect support for a Championship win. Not to say he would never win one with Cleveland, but he prefers to take his chances with Wade and Bosh alongside him.
So, while Miami is building a dynasty, Cleveland is left devastated. Among others notable event in Cleveland's sports Hall of Shame:
The Drive - 1987 AFC Championship Game: Browns vs Broncos, leading by a touchdown with 5 minutes left, but John Elway lead his team 98 yards to tie the game and win in overtime.
The Fumble - 1988 AFC Championship Game: Browns vs Broncos, with 1 minute left on the clock, Earnest Byner was on his way to score the game-tying touchdown, but lost a fumble at the 3-yard line.
The Shot - 1989 NBA First Round Playoffs Game 5: Cavaliers vs Bulls, Michael Jordan scored the buzzer beater to win the series.
The Move - 1995: The Brown's owner decided to move the franchise to Baltimore, which led to plenty of lawsuits and ultimately, the suspension of the franchise for 3 years.
And now, the latest one to enter the list.
The Decision - 2010: James announcement - "This fall I am taking my talents to South Beach and play with the Miami Heat. The major factor was the best opportunity for me to win, to win now and for the future also. Winning is the most important thing for me. I feel like is going to be the best opportunity."
With Wade and Bosh alongside him now, it's a whole lot easier to win.
Thursday, July 8
Lost
I have always wondered, what is it that I am searching for in my life?
When I was younger, all I wanted was money, so that I can buy all those nice toys and chocolates and sweets. I was obsessed with possessing plenty of toys. I wanted all those little army guys in green so that I can build my own army and conquer the world. I wanted all those nice trucks and vehicles, and also the guns and knives and even dolls. Yeah, barbie dolls especially, so that I can take their clothes off.
So I cheated, stole and lied. Anything to get me those toys. I didn't know why I do all that. Don't ask me why. Up to this day I'm still wondering why I did what I did. Maybe in a sick way, I was sick. I had psychological problem. That makes sense, I guess.
All that changed when I started to go to school. I still wanted money, but this time around, I worked my way around for it. I did chores, helped a few teachers, started my own small business selling tidbits and stuffs to my schoolmates, and invested in stocks. Well, okay, I didn't invested in stocks, but I wish I had done that. Unfortunately, I didn't get rich doing all that, although getting rich was not my aim. I didn't know why I do all that. Don't ask me why. Up to this day, I'm still wondering why I did what I did. Maybe I wanted to be independent, maybe I wanted more money. The weird thing is, I can't even remember what I used the money for. One thing for sure, I didn't invest them into stocks.
After school was even worse. That was the time when I was totally clueless about my life. No directions, no goals. So I drifted around, making bad decisions that effected my life, and making mistakes after mistakes. Sometimes making the same mistakes twice. And over and over and over and over and over and over again.
Nowadays. money was never the objective. I don't care about it that much anymore. Of course, I would love to earn more, but I'm not obsessed about it anymore. I found myself easily contented. I have grown into a typical slob. Sit me in front of the TV, feed me some junk food, and I'm happy. The couch has my ass mark written all over it. I'm still clueless about what I want.
In life, you need to have directions. You need to know where you are heading. You need to know how to get to where you are heading. They always say it's the journey that matters, not the destination. But what if you don't even have a destination. You're walking through your life, a journey on your own, with no destinations. So you're basically just walking around in circles. And in the end, you don't get what you want, and to where you want to go, because you just don't know.
Of course, it would be a whole lot easier if you can fly. Then you can go anywhere you want, in any directions, without the hassle of following a particular path. A road less traveled, that would be the deep blue skies. But unfortunately, I have yet to grow wings, nor invented any rocket-jet backpack.
But, when you're feel like you're done, and the darkness has won, and your world comes crashing down, and you can't bear the thought, you are not alone. Because I am there with you.
And we'll get lost together.
When I was younger, all I wanted was money, so that I can buy all those nice toys and chocolates and sweets. I was obsessed with possessing plenty of toys. I wanted all those little army guys in green so that I can build my own army and conquer the world. I wanted all those nice trucks and vehicles, and also the guns and knives and even dolls. Yeah, barbie dolls especially, so that I can take their clothes off.
So I cheated, stole and lied. Anything to get me those toys. I didn't know why I do all that. Don't ask me why. Up to this day I'm still wondering why I did what I did. Maybe in a sick way, I was sick. I had psychological problem. That makes sense, I guess.
All that changed when I started to go to school. I still wanted money, but this time around, I worked my way around for it. I did chores, helped a few teachers, started my own small business selling tidbits and stuffs to my schoolmates, and invested in stocks. Well, okay, I didn't invested in stocks, but I wish I had done that. Unfortunately, I didn't get rich doing all that, although getting rich was not my aim. I didn't know why I do all that. Don't ask me why. Up to this day, I'm still wondering why I did what I did. Maybe I wanted to be independent, maybe I wanted more money. The weird thing is, I can't even remember what I used the money for. One thing for sure, I didn't invest them into stocks.
After school was even worse. That was the time when I was totally clueless about my life. No directions, no goals. So I drifted around, making bad decisions that effected my life, and making mistakes after mistakes. Sometimes making the same mistakes twice. And over and over and over and over and over and over again.
Nowadays. money was never the objective. I don't care about it that much anymore. Of course, I would love to earn more, but I'm not obsessed about it anymore. I found myself easily contented. I have grown into a typical slob. Sit me in front of the TV, feed me some junk food, and I'm happy. The couch has my ass mark written all over it. I'm still clueless about what I want.
In life, you need to have directions. You need to know where you are heading. You need to know how to get to where you are heading. They always say it's the journey that matters, not the destination. But what if you don't even have a destination. You're walking through your life, a journey on your own, with no destinations. So you're basically just walking around in circles. And in the end, you don't get what you want, and to where you want to go, because you just don't know.
Of course, it would be a whole lot easier if you can fly. Then you can go anywhere you want, in any directions, without the hassle of following a particular path. A road less traveled, that would be the deep blue skies. But unfortunately, I have yet to grow wings, nor invented any rocket-jet backpack.
But, when you're feel like you're done, and the darkness has won, and your world comes crashing down, and you can't bear the thought, you are not alone. Because I am there with you.
And we'll get lost together.
Sunday, March 7
Two is better than one
There is no such thing as a simple solution in life. There is no such thing as a perfect formula to solve all your problems. The Wizard of Oz is a fraud, he can't solve your problems, he can't give you what you want. He might be able to trick you into thinking that he knows, when the truth is he has his own problems which he himself couldn't solve. But who doesn't?
You could be the 7-year-old boy eyeing the forbidden cookie in the cookie jar up the counter where he can't reach. You could be the 14-year-old girl thinking about having sex with her boyfriend but afraid that she is too young and her boyfriend might not be serious. You could be the 21-year-old man thinking about how to tell his father that he is gay and in love with his boyfriend. You could be the 28-year-old man wanting to get married but not having enough money for the wedding and having to resort to loan sharks. You could be the 35-year-old woman stuck in a dead-end job, single and not knowing where her life is leading. You could be the 42-year-old man trapped in a loveless marriage with 5 children. You could be the 49-year-old woman with terminal cancer, knowing that she can die anytime, yet having all these unfulfilled dreams.
Or you could be the 54-year-old man, who just found out that his 21-year-old son is gay, and planning to elope with his boyfriend.
How do you deal with all these problems? How do you solve them? Do you run from them, knowing that putting them at the back of your mind doesn't solve the problems? Or do you try to forget about these problems by turning to drugs and alcohol?
It is never easy when faced with such problems. Suppressing them deep inside of you will only makes it worse. And it's even worse when you have to face it all alone, not having anyone to talk, to share and unload, and to cry on their shoulder.
Yes, loneliness sucks. Being alone sucks. Not having good friends sucks. Not being able to face the day sucks. And Mondays suck too.
Wouldn't it be nice if x=y where x is problem and y is solution? Unfortunately life is not maths, and unless you believe that the answer to life, the universe and everything else is 42, you are on your own. It is your life, and no two lives are the same with each other.
So how do you deal with these problems?
For starters, you get someone to listen to you. Because, just maybe, two is better than one.
You could be the 7-year-old boy eyeing the forbidden cookie in the cookie jar up the counter where he can't reach. You could be the 14-year-old girl thinking about having sex with her boyfriend but afraid that she is too young and her boyfriend might not be serious. You could be the 21-year-old man thinking about how to tell his father that he is gay and in love with his boyfriend. You could be the 28-year-old man wanting to get married but not having enough money for the wedding and having to resort to loan sharks. You could be the 35-year-old woman stuck in a dead-end job, single and not knowing where her life is leading. You could be the 42-year-old man trapped in a loveless marriage with 5 children. You could be the 49-year-old woman with terminal cancer, knowing that she can die anytime, yet having all these unfulfilled dreams.
Or you could be the 54-year-old man, who just found out that his 21-year-old son is gay, and planning to elope with his boyfriend.
How do you deal with all these problems? How do you solve them? Do you run from them, knowing that putting them at the back of your mind doesn't solve the problems? Or do you try to forget about these problems by turning to drugs and alcohol?
It is never easy when faced with such problems. Suppressing them deep inside of you will only makes it worse. And it's even worse when you have to face it all alone, not having anyone to talk, to share and unload, and to cry on their shoulder.
Yes, loneliness sucks. Being alone sucks. Not having good friends sucks. Not being able to face the day sucks. And Mondays suck too.
Wouldn't it be nice if x=y where x is problem and y is solution? Unfortunately life is not maths, and unless you believe that the answer to life, the universe and everything else is 42, you are on your own. It is your life, and no two lives are the same with each other.
So how do you deal with these problems?
For starters, you get someone to listen to you. Because, just maybe, two is better than one.
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