Monday, October 8

What's in the bag?

Yet another tag. This time from Lily and Spena. A double tag, so I guess I have to do it.

5 things in my bag (gym bag, since I dont use a handbag)

1. My trusted green pallas jazz
2. Clean pair of underwear
3. Gatsby deodorant (got it free from Sportsbarn)
4. Head & Shoulder shampoo (Menthol)
5. A small padlock

5 things in my wallet

1. Identity card
2. Gym card
3. Small calender
4. Driving license
5. Train timetable (Clayton to city)

5 Favorite things in my bedroom

1. My hundreds of books
2. My TV remote control
3. My CDs collections
4. My TV
5. A map of the world on my wall

5 Things I wish to do (in no particular order)

1. Start diving
2. Have sex
3. Form a band
4. Travel the world
5. Skydiving

5 Things I am doing now

1. Using SAP to generate the stock report (I'm still at work)
2. Browsing through Soccernet
3. Trying to figure out Facebook
4. Thinking about sex
5. Typing this line.

And I won't be tagging anyone, since everyone I know has already completed this tag.

Missing death

Right here with you is where I belong. Do you believe in love of a lifetime? That everybody has somebody? In fate?

Fate. Yes. For the rest of your life. Here with you, near with you. Need to be next to you. Mumbo jumbo plane in a gumbo.

How many days left for me to breathe in this life? I lost count. But the end is near, so near that I can feel it breathing at the back of my neck. Every single breath is precious now, for never will I know which one is the last, until the moment arrives. Melancholy. Infinite sadness. Death is inevitable. Unavoidable.

"Do you want to die?"

"I...I.... I don't know."

(8th February 2001)

Sunday, October 7

Bad hair day

There was a time when I was obsessed with my hair. I was getting bored of seeing myself in the mirror with the same hairstyle I've been wearing for the past 15 years. Not that I spend much time on my hair anyway. A quick comb will just set it in place, and I'm all ready to go. I don't use hair cream and gels, because I never liked the smell and the greasy feel they left on my hair.

When I was a teenager, I used to keep my hair long. It got so long that it annoyed my dad so much until I had to cut it short. Anyway, I guess it was about time I cut it, since the hot weather was really driving me nuts, and it was getting hard to play basketball with my hair flying all over my face.

After a very long deliberation, I finally decided that I should change my hairstyle.Get a makeover. Change how I look. Easier said than done, that's for sure.

I set on a quest with a friend of mine, and we asked around for a reputable hair salon. Now, I have never been in one, truth to be told. All this while, whenever I need a haircut, I will just frequent the friendly neighbourhood barber who charged me only RM10 for a haircut (used to be RM8 back in the old days), and still have time to do a quick head massage and a nice neck twist. Cheap, and convenient.

To cut a long story short (because I've listed down a few salons and did some research on them), we finally settled for a local salon (something within my budget). It came highly recommended from another friend of ours. So we made the appointment, and went there to get our hair done.

Of course, me being me, I still haven't decided on my new hairstyle, so the stylist had to endure my indecisiveness for quite a spell. Magazines upon magazines were flicked, and I finally chose one, out of desperation. Worse come to worse, I can always change it again in a few months time.

And so, I walked out that day with a new look. Not much of a difference, but at least it was something new. I was happy with it, until after a few days later, I noticed that my hair was turning back to its usual self.

I guess, the next time I'm thinking of another makeover, I need to do something drastic, like cutting my hair really short, or shave it clean.

Come to think of it, I wasn't really looking for a new hairstyle. What I wanted was a new life.

Thursday, October 4

Didn't We Almost Have it All

"Give me a reason to stay."

Now, if someone asked me that, I would have given her the reason. The only reason that matters.

"You should stay because I want you to stay, and because I love you".

There were so many things that happened last night worth writing about. And just as the words were flowing from my little brain like water trickling down a waterfall, I had an epiphany, or something of that sort.

You know the kind of guy who watches TV alone all the time and blogs about TV shows and even the commercials and has no social life? The kind of guy who eats oatmeal and lives with his cats? That guy is me.

My name is Ardy.

Anyway, in case you missed the show, here are some memorable quotes. Enjoy!

Richard: [narrating] Being Chief... is about responsibility. Every single surgical patient in a hospital is your patient. Whether you're the one who cut them open or not. The scalpel stops with you. You need to be able to look at her family. And to tell them your team did everything they could to save someone's life. The husband, the wife. Taking care about the people's families. And responsibility... it makes you... you take care of the people's families. But you sacrifice your own.

Izzie: You don't need vows on your hand. When you get up there, just speak from the heart.
Cristina: Uh, Izzie, the heart is an organ. It pumps, it circulates blood, it gets clogged from time to time. It does not, however, speak. It doesn't have tiny little lips on it.
Izzie: Well, you're all "glass totally empty."
Cristina: I'm gonna like being married. It's the wedding part that's ridiculous.

Addison: I don't understand.
Richard: It's not you.
Addison: No, I understand that part. What I don't understand is why. I need this job, Richard. I need it more than the others.
Richard: Addison--
Addison: No, I need a reason to stay here. I need a reason to get up in the morning. I need to wake up and not care that it's raining or that I'm 39 and alone. I need the job, Richard.
Richard: That's why. If you need a job to give you a life, you either need a new job or a new life.

Mark: There he is. T-minus five hours. And how's the best man? Up to the challenge? I was an excellent best man.
Derek: You know, the worst case scenario is I sleep with your wife in ten years.
Burke: Okay.

Burke: Um, except about my vows. I wrote them myself, and...I don't know. They may be too...I want 'em to be right.
Addison: Well, let's hear 'em.
Burke: What, now?
Addison: Hey, you've got a room full of women. Try it out on us.
Burke: Cristina...I could promise...to hold you...and to cherish you. I could promise to be there in sickness and in health. I could say...till death do us part. But I won't. Those vows are for...optimistic couples, the ones full of hope. And I do not stand here on my wedding day optimistic or full of hope.
Addison: Okay, um...
Burke: I am not optimistic. I am not hopeful. I am sure. I am steady. And I know. I am a heart man. I take 'em apart. I put 'em back together. I hold them in my hands. I am a heart man. So of this I am sure...you are my partner...my lover...my very best friend. My heart, my heart...beats for you. And on this day, the day of our wedding, I promise you this...I promise you to lay my heart in the palm of your hands. I promise you... me.
What too trite? Because I can rewrite it...
Izzie: No. No. It's...
Addison: I think I speak for...every woman in this room when I say dump her. Dump Yang and marry me.

Izzie: Uh, hold on a minute. I just wanted to make sure no one's around so I can say this.
George: I think we've said everything we need to say.
Izzie: Shut up. I am an optimist. I am hopeful. I am not sure.
George: Look, I can do this myself.
Izzie: Let me speak. Because I'm your best friend and because I love you, if what you want is to be with Callie,.
then I will do everything in my power to support you and help you make your marriage work But because I'm your best friend and because I love you...I also have to say...that I'm in love with you. I'm in love with you. I can't promise the future, I can't promise perfection because we're us and I'm me and who knows what will happen. But in my heart...I am sure. I'm in love with you, George. And I hope you're in love with me, too.

Rebecca: I have every reason to go. And...and yeah, I'm scared. And yeah, this is...this is moving at warp speed. And yeah, I'm freaking out, but Jeff is good. And...and Jeff is the father of my child. The man is out buying a car seat right now. And the minute he gets back...I...I have every reason to go, because medically...
there's no need for me to stay. Medically.
Alex: Oh. Yeah. Okay. Well, then I'll just check the chart.
Rebecca: Damn it.
Alex: We got, uh... what?
Rebecca: Are you...do I...do I have to spell everything out for you? I mean, did...did you sniff too much glue as a child? I'm asking you something here.
Alex: What do you want from me?
Rebecca: I want...I want you to give me a reason to stay...a real reason. I mean, Jeff's...Jeff's a decent guy, a good, decent guy. But to him, I'm Rebecca, and I don't know if I am Rebecca anymore and...you know me. You knew...you knew when I couldn't even speak who I was. You...you named me Ava, and I was more me
as Ava then I'll ever be as Rebecca. Look, I...I have every reason to go back to my life. And I will. Unless...you...Alex, I'm asking you to give me a reason to stay here...a reason from you.
Alex: Jeff loves you. He's A...he's a decent guy.
Rebecca: Alex, give me a reason.
Alex: I think you should stick with the decent guy.

Meredith: If you want to break up with me so you can see other women, just do it. Don't tell me you met another woman. Just end it if that's what you want.
Derek: I can't.
Meredith: Sure you can. Here's how it goes...Meredith, I don't want to see you anymore. Meredith, I don't love you anymore.
Derek: Meredith...I do love you. Don't you see? Don't you understand? You're the love of my life. I can't leave you. But you're constantly leaving me. You walk away when you want, you come back when you want. Not everyone, not your friends, but you leave me. So I'm asking you...if you don't see a future for us, if you aren't in this...please...please just end it, because I can't. I'm in it. Put me out of my misery.
Meredith: I...I can't. I...I...Cristina is getting married. I have to go make sure she gets married.
Derek: Meredith...
Meredith: I really need to make sure she gets down that aisle.
Derek: Let's go. We're running late.

Addison: I've always found it confusing. If you know both the bride and the groom, which side do you sit on?
Alex: I just look for the hottest chick in the room and sit next to her.
Addison: Stop.
Alex: Wanna ditch the reception, grab a drink instead?
Addison: Stop it. You don't want me.
Alex: Maybe I do.
Addison: No, you don't. You want Ava.
Alex: She's not Ava anymore. She's Rebecca now, and I barely know her.
Addison: Look at me. Look at me. You suck. To me, you suck. I kind of...hate you. But, Alex, we not get unlimited chances to have the things we want. And this I know...nothing is worse than missing an opportunity
that could've changed your life. And no matter what her name is, she'll always be Ava to you.

Cristina: Oh...I can do this. You know, I had a momentary freak out, but now I'm fine. I can do this. Go.
Burke: But you don't want to do this. I'm up there waiting for you to come down the aisle, and I knew you don't want to come. I know you don't want to come but that you'll come anyway because you love me. And if I loved you...if I loved you, not the woman that I'm trying to make you be, not the woman that I hope you'll become,
but you...if I did...I wouldn't be up there waiting for you. I would be letting you go.
Cristina: I am wearing the dress. I'm ready. And...and maybe I didn't want to before, but I want to now. I really think I want this.
Burke: And I really wish that you didn't think. I wish that you knew.

Cristina: He's gone.
Meredith: I...I...I don't think he's gone. Uh, his stuff is here.
Cristina: No, it isn't. His trumpet was here. His entire Eugene Foote collection...vinyl's and cd's...his grandmother's picture was by the bed. His lucky scrub cap was hanging on the door. He's gone.
I'm...I'm free. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. Oh, god. Get this off me. Take this off! Take this off!
Please, just...I can't...help me, help me, help me!

Richard: Congratulations. You'll make a fine chief. Derek?
Derek: I'm not the best man for this job. You're the best man for this job.
Richard: What are you talking about, Derek?
Derek: A good chief learns from his mistakes. I'm still working on that. But you...if you had a chance to do it all over again, you'd do it differently. Go ahead. Do it all over again. Be the best man.

Wednesday, October 3

Oceanful of tears

Sometimes, crying is the best thing to do in times of distress and sadness. Some people view crying as a sign of weakness, a vulnerability. But to me, it is a sign of strength, and acknowledgement. Knowing that you are hurt deeply, and being awashed by waves of emotions.

The sorrow can be bottomless at times. We let ourselves float in a sea of sorrow, drifting away in a shoreless ocean, staring into oblivion. Time and time again we try to swim towards the shore, only realizing that all we can see around us are the vast ocean up to the horizon. And so we let ourselves lulled away by the gentle breeze and the smell of the ocean.

And we let our grief eats away our hope, leaving us aimless and hopeless in a world of sorrow. It seems a whole lot easier to just drift away, and sleep for eternity, being engulf by the ocean.

But let the tears flow freely. Let the emotions overwhelmed us. Let the sorrow clouds over our soul. Because one day, one day, we will realize, that there is no such things as a never-ending sorrow, as there is no such thing as a shoreless ocean.

And our tears, let it fall. Let it roll down our cheek, and drop into the ocean. Let it be one with the sea. Tears belong to the sea, as the sun belongs to you and me. Our heart is bleeding and wounded. Our soul is lost and hurt. And maybe, just maybe, the salt in our tears and the sea will help to heal the open wound in our heart, and keep our soul alive.

Because, believe me, we can cry an oceanful of tears. And we can be sad and unhappy our whole lifetime. But when the time arrives, we need to look for the shore, and swim towards it. And let the salt in our tears remind us of the ocean, and the brief period when we were drifting in it nursing our wounded heart.

"There must be something strangely sacred in salt. It is in our tears and in the sea."
- Kahlil Gibran

Tuesday, October 2

Fair & Lovely

When you watch a lot of TV, like I do, you will also watch a lot of commercials along the way. Some of them are repeated so often that it annoys the hell out of you. Some have catchy catch phrase that got stuck in your head for hours while going through your day.

Like the other day, I had this "Hidup biar sedap" going on a never-ending loop in my head. The irritating part is since I was fasting, I couldn't get myself a Wall's ice cream. So I just had to endure the craving until after 7pm, and guess what I had for breakfast? For starter, I had Wall's Solero, then the main course was the Viennetta Brownie Chocolate and for dessert, Mini Poppers. Ice cream overdosed, I would say. But at least I got rid of that phrase from my mind (more like I numbed my mind with all the ice creams until I couldn't think anymore).

I got a sinking feeling that advertisers really did their research on how to subconsciously influence unsuspecting people into buying their products. It worked on me, and I'm sure it worked for others too. I was once in a focus group for this particular brand of drink. They were testing the market for a newly launched drink. So they had a whole group of people, from different age groups to different hairstyles, to test the product.

And they paid cash too to the participants. So it was a win-win situation for both sides. They got what they wanted, and we got paid. Fair enough.

One commercial that I really like is the Fair & lovely "Tiap hari sayang". The way the made the whole thing, it kind of reminded me of a life that I could have had. Not that it mattered anyway, because I didn't have it in the end.

But I digress. There was a time when beauty products used to rule the TV airtime. Especially skin whitening products. I'm not really sure why is it important to be fair? What's wrong with being dark, or tanned? I have a dark complexion, and I can never imagine myself being fair (and I secretly love women with dark complexions, like Cheryl Samad! Okay, now it's not a secret anymore, duh!) .

Surprisingly, not only women fall for the ploy. I have a few male friends who actually use the product. Not that they became fairer or anything, but they must be quite vain to even attempted to change their skin colour.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

It is just weird.

Nowadays, it's hair products that rule the TV. Shampoos from Rejoice, Clear, Head & Shoulder, Pantene, Dove to Sunsilk are competing against each other, all promising no-dandruff and straight shiny hair.

First, you have to be fair, now you have to have straight shiny hair.

What's wrong with curly, or wavy hair?

And if you read the papers, you will come across plenty of slimming adds. From slimming centres to slimming products, all with before and after photos, to show the effectiveness of their products and programmes. There are too many of them that's it's hard to keep track anymore.

Whatever happened to the old fashion exercise and diet?

So now you know. If you want to be perfect, you need to be fair, have long, straight shiny hair, and be extremely slim.

As if.

Sunday, September 30

The Special One

It was a relief when Yossi Benayoun scored in the 75th minute in yesterday's game, hence chalking up Liverpool's first league win after 2 league outings. The other two big teams also won by a similar scoreline, with Arsenal winning away at West Ham and Manchester United did what Liverpool couldn't do last week, scoring a goal against the resilient Birmingham team.

Playing Wigan, Liverpool had a fair advantage in the statistic department. Wigan has never beaten, nor hold the top teams (being Liverpool, Arsenal, Man. United and Chelsea) in 16 straight games. Last season they were 4 goals down by halftime, so they did considerably well this time around to limit Liverpool to just one goal. Needless to say, it was a nervous game for the visiting team.

A lot has been said about Rafa Benitez rotation policy in recent weeks. Having 4 good strikers at his disposal, he selects the two that he redeems best suited for a particular game. That means leaving Fernando Torres on the bench in recent games.

Torres however, didn't go quietly. After being benched for two league games and only appearing as substitute to play the remaining 30 minutes, he was given the chance to shine in last week's League Cup game against Reading. And shine he did, scoring his first hat trick (and definitely not his last) for Liverpool. Voices everywhere, from football pundits to fans alike have been urging Rafa to play Torres in every single game. But Rafa remained adamant, the master tactician sticking to his policy that no one is assured of a place in the starting lineup.

Looking back in history, Liverpool is in need of a consistent striker to provide them the goals that have been hard in coming. The last consistent goal-scorer for Liverpool is playing for Newcastle United now, and eversince his departure in June 2004 to Real Madrid, Liverpool has been struggling to find a perfect replacement for the player dubbed as the one of the greatest player ever by some. Michael Owen consistently scored 15 goals and more (except in 1999/2000 season when he was out injured for a lengthy period of time), accumulating a massive 118 goals scored in the Premier League in 7 seasons.

His replacements, never did achieve what was expected of them, and with that, gone were the goals that were desperately needed to push Liverpool to the top of the table. Baros, Cisse, Morientes, Crouch and Bellamy, all failed to get past 10 goals a season. There were times when Liverpool relied heavily on their midfielders for the goals, namely in Gerrard, Garcia and Riise.

Last season, Dirk Kuyt and Peter Crouch combined to score 21 goals among them, and it looked to be a good partnership. Of course, with Rafa rotation policy, the consistency never materialized with Crouch often left on the bench and only came on as a late substitute.

Now, Fernando Torres has the making to be the next Owen (not in the sense of being injury-prone, but scoring consistently). Looking at his statistic when he was with Atletico Madrid, he scored an amazing 75 goals in 5 seasons in La Liga, and that itself is an impressive feat. He has the speed and the skills to shine for Liverpool, and so far, he is Liverpool's top scorer with 6 goals in 10 games. All he needs now, is to start and play regularly, to build his confidence and scoring consistently.

Rafa needs to play him as often as possible. He is no good warming up the bench. And maybe, just maybe, Rafa could just win that elusive league title and complete his collection of trophies. As John Dykes puts it, "He has the means to do so at his disposal. His name is Fernando Torres and he is the Special One"

The ball is mine! (after the game against Reading)